Lost.

Even though things in life are good and I have nothing to stress about, I still feel like I need someone to love and love me back.

Its the worst thing to see my friends and even random couples just so happy and I go to sleep sad evernight.

I just want to be happy.

So yeah!

I might be auditioning for some Disney shows but idk yet. I would have to be relocated and all this other stuff. I think i should do it because i haven’t been able to find any jobs here where i live so why not ya know. I might not be attending dance theater of Harlem so i have t have a back up for the summer and that might be the only thing that i have to do because i refuse to be bored and not loving my summer.

I’m just so confused about what i’m going to do. I think if i’m anywhere but Baltimore for the summer i will be happier. Even if im not in NY for DTH i still want to go there for the summer because i still have a college audition and its NY come on now! lol

My Party was AMAZING!!!

Eventho people kinnda disrespected my house it was great. And they wont party with me anymore.

But i had soooo much fun!! I had me a drink. I was flying but i didnt even leave the ground.

Cute people were there ;)

Lord some people were going fuckin crazy and had to go.

People tried to do shit in my room and that pissed me the fuck off. Your were sapose to be enjoying my party not trying to do shit like that. For all that you could have just left never came tf??? Yall are sapose to be my friends but ur trying to do shit doing my party IN MY ROOM??/ I dont even do shit in my room lol

At then end of the night i was happy!!!

Part 2 of my pary next month!!

•Sigh•

I want to be loved.
I want to be happy.
I want a lover to tell me goodnight.
I want to wake up to a text saying "good morning love you baby have a good day."
I want alot.

:)

I love that now that im alone, im getting to know myself. Its the best feeling.

Music

I love music. I listen to different kinds but mainly opera, musical theater, and some r&b/jazz.

I just love opera eventho I dont want a career in opera. I respect the people that perform it well because its such a complicated career. Opera is such a joy to listen to.

Now musical theater has become my love in my music choices because it more free and doesnt have as much structure as opera and I can dance and sing :)

Random.

So alot has been going on with. Some good and some bad. Thats life i guess and no one has a perfect one.
I was dumped by some one i loved dear who claimed to have fallin out of love with me. Eventho i have come to terms with the brake up I dought that was the real reason but life goes on i guess.
That really hurt me because i didnt see it comeing and it seem like a easy way out for them.

I got into Dance Theater of Harlem for there 6 week summer intensive. With no scholarship =(.
But i had found a place that gives schalarships for performers but that hasnt been going good because the guy has been giving me the run around so i think im going to end up paying with my own money.
My show at the Arena Players called Rebal without a cause opend and it started off rough but it is now going great and it is closing soon. I just love my cast! =)

I also had got a job teaching dance to elementary school kids but the principle at the school has been acting pretty shady to us so who knows where that is going.

Ive been trying to get my id and bank card forever it seems like. I had got my bank card back before but lost it again. Dumb me.

I feel like i need to leave home because i need to become independent. But before i do that i need to get a stable job first which is not going well.

To end off on a good note i have a audition for AMDA in July =)

People

People can be very cruel in this world. Thoes people are the bitches you learn from.

Sometimes they area the people you thought you were close to but friends come and go.

You want to walk out my life, be my guest. I will surely like the door behind your dumb ass. Goodbye.

Rehearsal!

We may not have the best rehersal space but our shows are just as good as anyother theater! I love it here: )

So i went to visit him....

...and he looked so good but i was only there to talk. We had so much time to talk but we didnt really ptlalk about anything important. So when i left he told me we still have to talk. I was like wtf.

But the way he used to look at me used to make my heart smile so much. Now he just looks at me like I'm any other friend. I'm not the one he wants anymore. At least that's what it seems.

Lettin out.

Eventhough life can be filled with plenty of joy and happines, it also brings a lot of hurt and let downs. Rather it be in your love life, family, or small things.

You try to keep your head up as much as you can and think about whats good but it doesnt always help. Sometimes all you can do is cry.

Arena People

I just love them.

Im so Happy.

Okay with this brake up, it seems to be a little different because we are friends. That really makes me happy but sometimes I start to have my moments when i just really want to tell him how i feel. Unlie my last relationship i feel like he misses me like i miss him. Eventho i know we are most likely not getting back together i still have dreams about it. It urkes me lol. Oh well, What can ya do?

Woa! I didnt see that comeing.

Woa! I didnt see that comeing!
Okay so now im single. Usually I would be kinnda happy, but right now I dont know how to feel. I felt like I was giving my all, but my all was just not enought.
When it happend, I felt like i was left not being understood. He told me i didnt talk to him enough when I finnaly did I guess he couldnt take it and just left me. Im guessing it was for the best. Because he didnt seem at all careing at all about it. He hit me low with the stuff that was said. It almost didnt seem like the person I thought I was in a relationship with.
I feel like he have been wanting to gte out of the relationship with me for a while now because of some of the choices he wanted. I started to feel like i wasjnt good enough and that i was unwanted. I should never feel that way in a relationship and i should have left when i was feeling that way. But i was blinded but the four letter word. Well he found his way out which caused for there to be no way back in.
I dealt with alot in the relationship that i wasnt used to. I was used to people being out with me and not giving a flying fuck what anyone says so this was new. But he was different. He did care about what people said and was scared. But i said i was going to work with him on it but nothing seemed to change.
Im often asked “What are you takeing good from the relationship?” and my answer is i dont know. I can just say i was and still am so in love but as they say “All good things come to an end”. Its sad to say it but its to true. My last relationship before this one ended because of me and now this one because of me but Is is me tho or do people fail to realize that there shit stinks. Idk but i kinnda miss him, but oh well thats that. Time to work on me so i can be better for the next person whenever that is because im closed and underconstruction.

I don't like...

i dont like hurting people

i dont like brendan gill

pssh! as if! i love that boy!

lol he like that home i have away from home :)

im glad he is my bestfriends

Him. Not him, but HIM.

When I think about HIM its not that i miss what we have.
When i think about HIM I miss that friendship that I cant find elswhere.
I often thing about HIM after i here his name just once, and i get jelouse of the people that can call him a friend becaus e i can no longer call HIM that. I call him...HIM!

Its sad but its what he wants.

I keep telling myself that its for the better because he did me wrong in some ways. But that isnt me, i cant hold grudges. I forgive and forget and move on. I just wish he could do the same.

I just feel like something is missing from my life.

I got close to him more than i am with my brothers or parent.

its not easy just to let a bond like that go. Eventho he has I still cant forget about... HIM

TJP.Green eyes.

Thinking.

Sometimes I can just sit and think myself into a coma and end u just hurting myself. I hate how I know that its not good but still do it. I guess im just human.Sometimes i wonder if the bad thoughts will ever stop because the one thing/person I keep thinking about wouldn't give a shit about me, or think about me. Then that makes me feel like an idiot because it shows that it/he still has a hold on me.

Randomness

Randomness

Stuff makes me laugh! Like…

• insecurities
• bad lookin people
• fake/phoney people
• my family
• my friends
• my man
• bitches
• thirsty girls
• chap lips

Stuff makes me cry! Like..

• movies
• death
• things not going my way
• ex’s
• music
• theater
• other people crying
• leaveing people
• saying good

Stuff makes me think! Like…

• Death
• school
• life
• choices
• inependence
• friends
• degrassi
• tumblr
• facebook

People make me happy! like..

• Family-(to many to name)
• Arena-lauren, Capria, Kim, Tonya, Dalonte, Eric, Dana, Ms.Ship, Mr.Dove, Zori, isaiah, candace, Tj
• BSA-AVERY, Kevin, Cache, Tionna, Latisha, Bilal, BReNDAN, Najah, Peanut!
• Kyle! (he gets his own bullet :)
• College peeps-Brittany, Patty, Scott, Robert, rachel, Rachel, ariell, de, Pennie

i hope i didnt forget anyone..

Things. And stuff. And people

Things. And stuff. And people

A lot of things irritate me and I don’t know why. I wish I could help it but I can’t. Sometimes I feel like people don’t understand, but sometimes you have things you can’t help. I mean everyone does and its completely natural so that’s why I get mad when people get mad at me about things I can’t help.

The world and my life is filled with stuff. Stuff that’s needed and stuff that isn’t. When I watch tv a lot of what is seen is pointless stuff. When you learn about stuff in school, most likely all of that stuff that is talked about and put on the board is always needed. I need more stuff in my room just thinking about it because it Is very boring.

People are very interesting and there are a lot of different people. Nice people, mean people, weird people and tough people. People sometimes come off as something but may not be at all what they seem, because people often find the need to blend in or fit in. People always make me feel like I need to look or sound a certain way when I should just look or sound like I want. I often miss certain people and wish they were in my life but then realize there nothing I can do and its for the best. Other people help you realize that some people don’t need to be in your life. People try to mess with or talk to important people in your life when they know they shouldn’t. People hurt me and I don’t need them in my life. I say this now but I still love and miss certain people. How could I not? I go through so much and find myself because of people. So when people leave your life its hard to let go when u don’t want to.